my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
