Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I believe in your delicious
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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