Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
