so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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