shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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