i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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