You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize