so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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