For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
