I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
