I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
