So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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