Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
