if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
