My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
