i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize