Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
