but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
