Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
