Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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