Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
