Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
