My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
