So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
