Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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