Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
