so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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