Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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