I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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