I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
