You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
