ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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