went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
