At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
