What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
