My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize