the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
