I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
