Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
