I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
