And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
