The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I believe in your delicious
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize