We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
