It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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