I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
