A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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