They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
