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• (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

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• (909): View more from California

  oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?

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• (315): View more from New York

  Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.

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