There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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