Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
