I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
