oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
