fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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