I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize