And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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