if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
