I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
