six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she peed on how many people?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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