Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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