DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
