his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
