You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
