It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
