Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
