Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
as a side note pls kill me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
