i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
