my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
