I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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