Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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