I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
