now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
