I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I bet he comes in French.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
