Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
