hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
