She's JV to your varsity
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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