Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
