Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
