I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
