shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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