The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
