i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
