i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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