I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
